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Buying an aircraft
This was posted *very briefly* on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an
employee who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not
have a sense of humor and made the web department take it down immediately.
For once, the IMPORTANT note at the end is worth a read too.
MCDONNELL DOUGLAS WARRANTY
WARRANTY CARD ATTACHED
**********************************************************************
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs.
[_] Ms. [_] Miss
[_] Lt. [_] Gen.
[_] Comrade[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name:
....................................................
Initial: ........
Last
Name.........................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code
Name:.....................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../....... /......
4. Serial Number:..............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product
will be used:
[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq [_] Classified [_] Misc. Third World countries (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that
apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed [_] Neutral
[_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant or Parent [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric
billionaire
[_] Retired [_] Student [_] Defense Minister / General
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests
and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular
basis:
[_] Golf [_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging
[_] Gardening [_] Default on loans
[_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Border disputes [_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Fashion clothing [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Boating / sailing [_] Destabilization / overthrow _] Collectibles /
collections
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a
brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL
DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of
humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not
authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating
social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or
grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
transmission of this email, although the Kelpie next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from
Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it
stand for 2 hours before icing.
Posted : Monday 7th Sep 2009, 10:14am
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